• jokes X jokes II

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes 3 Responses

    • A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee …

      On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”

      The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”

      “No” replied the trainee.

      “It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”

      The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?”

      “No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.

      “Thank God!” replied the trainee and put down the Phone.

    • In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?”

      She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

      The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

      She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.”

      The defense attorney almost died.

      The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: “If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

  • Never Go To HR For a Salary Increase

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes 6 Responses

    After 3 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying: My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
    The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

    • Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
    • Man:- 365 days and some times 366
    • Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
    • Man:- 24 hours
    • Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
    • Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
    • Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
    • Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3 (one third)
    • Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
    • Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)
    • Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
    • Man:- No sir
    • Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
    • Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
    • Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
    • Man:- 18 days.
    • Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
    • Man:- 4 days
    • Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
    • Man:- No sir!
    • Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
    • Man:- No sir!
    • Manager:- So how many days are left?
    • Man:- 2 days sir!
    • Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday)?
    • Man:- No sir!
    • Manager:- So how many days are left?
    • Man:- 1 day sir!
    • Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
    • Man:- No sir!
    • Manager:- So how many days are left?
    • Man:- None sir!
    • Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
    • Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

  • Friends of Men vs. Friends of Women

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes, Parody 2 Responses

    Friends of Women:

    • A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend`s apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them.

    Friends of Men:

    • A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend`s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.

  • jokes X jokes

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes 5 Responses

    • A man speaks frantically into the phone,
      “My wife is pregnant , and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
      “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
      “No, you idiot !” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
    • Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
      Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
      Doctor: The lab called with your test results.
      They said you have 24 hours to live.
      Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
      What’s the very bad news?
      Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
    • “Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
      “Yes, of course…”
      “Great! I never could before!”
    • A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there.
      The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.”
      The receptionist asks, “Have you ever seen a doctor?”
      And the man replies, “No, just spots.”