• jokes X jokes IX

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Humor, Jokes 6 Responses

    • A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
      It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.
      “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the first candidate.
      “Yes. You have no ears.”
      He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
      “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the second candidate.
      “Yes. You have no ears.”
      He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
      “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the third candidate.
      “Yes. You’re wearing contacts.”
      Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, “That’s correct. How did you know?”
      “You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have any freakin’ ears.”

    • Three contractors . . . One from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior White House official takes them to examine it.
      The English contractor : takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says. “I figure the job will cost $900 . . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour and $100 profit for me.”
      The German contractor : also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
      The Indian contractor doesn’t measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: “$2,700.”
      The official incredulously says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
      “Easy,” the Indian explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!”

  • jokes X jokes VIII

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes 3 Responses

    • OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
      CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
      OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
      CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
      OFFICER : YOUR FATHER’S NAME ?
      CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
      OFFICER : WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN ?
      CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
      OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
      CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
      OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
      CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
      OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION ?
      CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
      OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
      CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS
      OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
      CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
      OFFICER : AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN?
      CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
      OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
      CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
      OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
      CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
      OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
      CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
      OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
      CANDIDATE MY PERFORMANCE. …?
      OFFICER : M P!!!!
      CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR?
      OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED

  • Story Corner: Marvelous Answer

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes, Stories No Responses

    A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

    The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute.”

    The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

    The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work?”

    The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic:

    “Try to do it when the engine is running.”

  • jokes X jokes VII

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes 16 Responses

    • Once all the scientists decide to play hide-n-seek…
      Unfortunately Einstein becomes the seeker…
      He is supposed to count up to 100…and then start searching…
      Everyone starts hiding except Newton
      Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein…
      Einstein is counting… 97, 98, 99, 100…
      He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front…
      Einstein says “Newton’s out… Newton’s out…”
      Newton denies and says i am not out…!
      He claims that HE IS NOT NEWTON.
      All the scientists come out and he proves that he is not Newton…!
      How??! TRY
      Locate the answer in the 1st comment.
    • A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
      One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears” You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times.
      When I got fired, you were there to support me.
      When my business failed, you were there.
      When I got shot, you were by my side.
      When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
      When my health started failing, you were still by my side…
      You know what?”
      “What dear?”, she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
      “I think you’re bad luck”.