• Ain’t ENGLISH a Funny Language ?

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes, Parody 2 Responses

    • There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple …
    • Is cheese the plural of choose?
    • If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
    • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
    • In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
      Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
      Have noses that run and feet that smell?
      Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
    • Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
    • We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    • And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
    • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
      One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?
      One index, two indices?
    • How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
    • When a house burns up, it burns down.
    • You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
    • When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
    • English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
    • How can ‘slim chance and a fat chance‘ be the same, while ‘ wise man and a wise guy‘ are opposites!

  • THE HOUSE RULES

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes 3 Responses

    #1. The female always makes the rules.
    #2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
    #3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Nearly all females are born with this knowledge.
    #4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she may immediately change some or all of the rules.
    #5. The female is never wrong.
    #6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
    #7. If rule #6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
    #8. The female may change her mind at any given point in time.
    #9. The male must never change his mind without the expressed written consent of the female.
    #10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
    #11. On birthdays, the female doesn’t get older, she just keeps getting better and better and better.

  • Story Corner: A Little Supper Joke

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes, Stories 1 Response

    An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there’s a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.

    “Here’s what you do,” said the doctor, “start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

    That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he’s in the living room. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”

    Then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for supper?” No response.

    So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for supper?” Still no response.

    Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for supper?” Again he gets no response.

    So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for supper?” Again there is no response.

    So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for supper?”

    “Damn it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!“.

  • In the beginning was The Plan: a 21st Century Fable

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes, Parody 2 Responses

    • In the beginning was the Plan.
    • And then came the Assumptions.
    • And the Assumptions were without Form.
    • And the Plan was without Substance.
    • And Darkness was upon the faces of the Workers.
    • And they spoke among themselves saying, “It is a crock of shit and it stinks.“
    • And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said, “It is a pail of dung and we cannot live with the smell.“
    • And the supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, “It is a container of organic waste and it is very strong such that none may abide by it.“
    • And the managers went unto their Directors, saying, “It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide by it.“
    • And the directors went unto their Executive directors, saying, “It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very powerful.“
    • And the executive directors went unto the Vice Presidents, saying, “It promotes growth and is very powerful.“
    • And the vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, “This new plan will actively promote growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects.“
    • And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.
    • And the plan became Policy.
    • And this is how shit happens.

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