• jokes X jokes III

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes 3 Responses

    • A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

      This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

      When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

      The Godfather asks the book-keeper: “Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?”

      The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.

      The book-keeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

      The lawyer tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

      That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper’s temple, cocks it up and says: “Ask him again!”

      The attorney signs to the underling: “He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”

      The book-keeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”

      The Godfather asks the lawyer: “Well, what’d he say?”

      The lawyer replies: “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger!!”

  • WHY …? WHY …? WHY …?

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Parody No Responses

    • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
    • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
    • Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
    • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
    • Are there specially reserved parking spaces for “normal” people at the Special Olympics?
    • If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
    • If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
    • If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
    • Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
    • If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
    • Can you cry under water?
    • If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
    • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?
    • Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
    • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
    • Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

  • Poem Highlights: The Friend Who Stands By

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Poem No Responses

    When troubles come your soul to try
    You love the friend who just stands by.
    Perhaps there’s nothing he or she can do
    The thing is strictly up to you.
    For there are troubles all your own
    And paths the soul must tread alone.
    Times when love can’t smooth the road
    Nor friendship lift the heavy load.
    But just to feel you have a friend
    Who will stand by until the end.
    Whose sympathy through all endures
    Whose warm handclasp is always yours.
    It helps somehow to pull you through
    Although there’s nothing he or she can do.
    And so with fervent heart we cry…
    God Bless the friend who just stands by.

  • jokes X jokes II

    // Gradly // blog, Funny, Jokes 3 Responses

    • A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee …

      On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”

      The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”

      “No” replied the trainee.

      “It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”

      The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?”

      “No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.

      “Thank God!” replied the trainee and put down the Phone.

    • In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?”

      She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

      The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

      She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.”

      The defense attorney almost died.

      The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: “If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”