Gradly

• Man who run in front of car get tyred.
• Man who run behind car get exhausted.
• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
• Man with one chopstick go hungry.
• Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
• War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
• It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
• Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
• Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
• Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
• Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.”

Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?”
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?”
Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”

Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”

Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”

Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”

Man: “I know how to please a woman .”
Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”

Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”

Man: “I can tell that you want me.”
Woman: “Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you … to leave.”

Man: “May I see you pretty soon?”
Woman: “Why? Don’t you think I’m pretty now?”

Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”

Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.”
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there ?”

Universal law of Love:

“Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money”

First law of Love:

“A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.”

Second law of Love:

“The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.”

Third law of Love:

“The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping.”

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC:
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH:
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY:
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.