Gradly

TRUTH: 21st Century

• Our communication – Wireless
• Our telephone – Cordless
• Our cooking – Fireless
• Our youth – Jobless
• Our food – Fatless
• Our Labour – Effortless
• Our conduct – Worthless
• Our relation – Loveless
• Our attitude – Careless
• Our feelings – Heartless
• Our follies – Countless
• Our arguments – Baseless

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

• Our BO$$ – Brainless
• Our Job – Thankless
• Our Salary – Very less.

• Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

  If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

  The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

  The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

  Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

  The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

  “Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.

  To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”

• An obese blonde with unhealthy overweight, went to Doctor.

  Her doctor put her on a diet with strict advise. “I want you to eat regularly for two days and then skip a day. I want you to repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”

  When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, this is amazing!” the doctor said, “So you did follow my instructions?”

  The blonde nodded yes. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

  “From hunger, you mean?” The Doctor asked.

  “No, from skipping”, The Blonde explained.

• Resurrection is real, unless declared integer.
• Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
• Death is hereditary.
• There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
• An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
• Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
• Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
• When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
• Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
• Well done is better than well said.
• Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
• Where there’s a will there are five hundred relatives.
• Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.