Gradly

1.. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends …

• Stupid Question: – Hey, what are you doing here?
• Answer: – Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here …

2.. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet …

• Stupid Question: – Sorry, did that hurt?
• Answer: – No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia … why don’t you try again.

3.. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people asks …

• Stupid Question: – Why, why him, of all people.
• Answer: – Why? Would it rather have been you?

4.. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter

• Stupid Question: – Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
• Answer: – No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement.

5.. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years …

• Stupid Question: – Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
• Answer: – Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6.. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask …

• Stupid Question: – Is the guy you’re marrying well?
• Answer: – No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout … it’s just the money.

7.. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call …

• Stupid Question: – Sorry. Were you sleeping?
• Answer: – No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marries or not. You thought I was sleeping . you dumb witted Moron.

8.. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…

• Stupid Question: – Hey have you had a haircut?
• Answer: – No, its autumn and I’m shedding …

9.. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…

• Stupid Question: – Tell me if it hurts?
• Answer: – No it won’t. It will just bleed.

10.. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…

• Stupid Question: – Oh, so you smoke.
• Answer: – Gosh, it’s a miracle … it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. Who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm .

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane .

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What the hell happened?”

22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos .

• Newton’s method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught the lion.

• Einstein’s method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.

• Software Engineer method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to a Lion.

• Indian Police method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.

• Gandhi’s method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

• George bush’s method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him !!!